The lonely island - I'm on a boat

My favorite song for the moment (especially the sentence "NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE ON A BOAT!") Play it at every party! =)

Best present!

B gave me the best present today. He took me shopping and let me decided what I wanted! Every girls dream. And i didn't even get him a present for his birthday! Felt a little bad but promised him a dubble next year. Anyway, I finally decided that I wanted something from Lagerhause. It's, not sure about the english word, a form for icecubes? Shaped as guitars!! And the neck of the guitar is a drinkstick! (not sure of that word either!) I'm so going to rock at all parties from now on....

What the hell am I going to do?

I'm so mad it feels like I'm going to explode... I'm so sad it feels like I'm going to lay down on the floor and cry my heart out.. And I honestly don't understand how some people work, how they can do the things they do and don't even think about how it's going to affect other people. I've been away for the weekend and since I didn't have so much time left when I was about to leave for the train yesterday I decided to take my bike to the station. I've had it parked over night there before and nothing happened so I though: why not? I locked it real good and then I was off to Stockholm. And today when I got home and went to unlock my bike - there was no bike there! SOME STUPID IDIOT HAS TAKEN MY BIKE! And I need I bike, I can't manage without it. Without my bike I can't get to work on the holidays, and get home late at night. I really really need it. And now I don't have it, just because some asshole decided to take what was not his or hers. I I bet you - they didn't even think about me - the owner. They were probably: Hey, a bike! Let's take it and sell it or something like that. Since they cut off my two locks. And I really can't afford any new bike right now. What the hell am I going to do?

Birthdaycake

It's my birthday tomorrow. =) I've decided to make this cake:

It doesn't look that difficult, but I let you know when I'm done with it.

"The littlest things that take me there"

It's strange how the little things can effect you the most. Like today - I had to work. I'm not a big fan of my work to be honest, but it's okey and it pays a lot so I do it. But I always feel like an outsider there, since I only work now and then. We work in -28 C so of course we wear very warm clothes. I've always had an overall, because that was the only thing they had the day I got my clothes. The persons that work there fulltime wear pants and a jacket. And today I worked on a monday. And monday is the day you can get new clothes. So guess what? From now on I'm no longer working in an ugly overall - I'm wearing pants and a jacket.

And suddenly - I didn't feel so outside anymore.

Blåsippan ute i backarna står

An amazing creation, the forest. The tall trees dancing in the wind, the black bird sitting still by the water, the butterfly whirling around and then resting, almost still, on the ground, the now almost purple hepatica whispering: "Nu är det vår".

I didn't thought we had any real forest in the middle of Västerås, but we have - and it's alive. That makes me happy.

Thank you for being you

I know a lot of people. Just look at my facebook, I have 343 friends. That is A LOT of people. But to be honest, I don't have so many real friends. When I feel like I really need to talk, there are not so many people I can turn to. And most of the people I would like to call my real friends don't even live in the same city as I. And that makes me a little bit sad. Because I miss them. I know I have said it a lot, but I need to say it again. Maybe because I have just realised that I hardley haven't got any real friends at all in Västerås. And by real friends I now mean people I feel like I can call when I feel sad, when something fun has happened, the person I want to tell everything to. And some of the people I thought I could do that with, I can't anymore. That makes me sad to. It's probably just pms right now or something, but since I'm not in a very good mood I guess I can say it... It feels like I'm always number 2 theese days, if even that. It's always I that have to make things happen, not many friends of mine that calls me and ask if we can do something. And the last couple of days I have been getting tired of that and stopped arranging stuff. Guess what? Here I am, at home, all alone. Nice one. But the worst thing happened when I was spending time with someone I thought was a really good friend. And then a friend of that person joined us. And my friend asked the other person "You want to go and take a coffee in town, X?" And really directed the question to her, not including me. I know I could have joined them if I wanted, that the person probably didn't even thought about what he/she said - but it hurt, it really did. Especially since that person did the same thing the day before, with another person, with me there. Then it had been me arriving late, so I could understand it, cause from the beginning it was the two of them spending time. But now, when it were us who had been spending time first... What can I say? I guess I'm number 2... I just wish I was someones number 1 so I could lay my focus there instead, and didn't care so much about people like that......To my real friends I want to say: I miss you when you are not around, I'm really happy I have you in my life and most of all: THANK YOU for being you.

"When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again"

/Savage Garden

crisis

I found myself in some kind of crisis just now. So I phoned T and talked about it, and I realised that I really shouldn't continue to study, just because I've gotten so far now. If this isn't what makes me happy, why am I still here? I think I'm going to talk to my job tomorrow to let them know that I might be interested in working full time in the fall, if it's possible to combine it with my spanish classes. By doing that I don't need to take csn, and if I decide that I want a different career I have a chance to study an extra term.

But the problem is...that if I stop school and decide to do different stuff, to find my way in life... I have to start paying csn back. And if I decide to do the stuff I want to do, see the world, work a little bit here and there - I might now be able to afford it..

Why on earth have this been going on for so long?!

Jag är så jävla slut!!! Som Kenny Starfighter så fint utrycker det...=/

lifething?

Today's been a good day. Finally the sun and warmth has arrived, been sitting outside studying and then I ate som icecream with B in the sun. Fresh air - Lovely! But then I got home.. and suddenly I felt so empty, so alone. I keep having this thing in my stomach, feels like I'm nervous all the time, but I'm not! Or at least I don't think so... Why the hell can't it just go away? Is it just a "lifething"? Or is it more? What's missing and why can't I just be happy with me?

_____________________________________________________

"If there's so much I must be, can I still just be me - The way I am?"
/ Kiara, The lion king 2